Facebook: Threat to Romantic Relationships?

Facebook is extremely popular and one can basically document every little detail about their personal life. One option which I found  very interesting is the ability to publicly proclaim your relationship status which could be either single, in a relationship, married, divorced, widowed, it’s complicated, in an open relationship, and the new ones: in a civil union and in a domestic partnership. When people change their initial status from single to in a relationship, usually there is a lot of fuss among Facebook friends and people are able to comment or like the status that announces the new union of two people. Same goes for any sudden change in relationship status from what you previously had set.

Although changing your relationship status may seem as completely liberal as you have the option to change it anytime you want, one must be aware that any change you make is publicized on your friend’s news feed and documented on your profile. People do the error of not recognizing the fact that every independent move you make is being documented on Facebook and people (your FB friends or others) are watching. I have heard of stories where relationship drama arises from Facebook and cause the termination of these romantic unions among people, even lead them to extreme measures like blocking that once important person in your life.

The first problem that Facebook creates in relationships and is the most visible is an unchanged relationship status or not confirming the request to acknowledge the credibility of their relationship. “Why haven’t you changed your relationship status to ‘in a relationship’? Why does it still say you are single?”, one of the individuals in a new found relationship may complain to their partner. This can create a lot of drama and raise suspicion of possible unfaithful acts by the individual who has not changed their relationship status. The other person may be thinking that their bf/gf are talking to other people and that is why they don’t want to publicly announce that they are off the market. Another possible claim could be that the person doesn’t want anyone to know who they are going out with because that could harm their reputation or popularity in an institution like school or just be looked down upon by friends or family.

So what happens when both individuals do change their relationship status to “in a relationship”? Well there is no more drama until one of the individuals may accidently delete or hide the section where it states who you are in a relationship with. World War III may begin. The other person who didn’t change their relationship status could misinterpret what their other half has done and thus believe that that person is breaking up with them. Now a side note regarding break-ups… I don’t know why people even think about breaking up through Facebook. They see this social networking site as another medium for breaking up, one that does not require the intimidation that face-to-face interaction gives a person especially when they are afraid of the other person’s reaction. I know some people send a personal message through Facebook saying they are over, or they tell them through the chat option in this site. The worst way to break up on Facebook, however, is the intentional removal of “in a relationship” label or the change of status back to “single”. Unfortunately, some individuals do this or use another form of technology like texting to cower behind while they break the news to the other person.

Aside from the relationship status label on Facebook, problems within relationships also arise from the documentation of the activity of users. I am speaking of status updates, wall posts, commenting back, or simply “like”-ing another person’s status. I had a previous bad experience with Facebook that almost led to the termination of my romantic relationship. One cannot manipulate what other people post on your wall (unless you block wall posts) and especially if your friends receive on their news feed that someone has posted something to your wall. The content whether it is intentionally meant to be interpreted in a flirtatious way or just as a joke, can lead to you having problems of jealousy or mistrust with your significant other, especially if the person who posted the comment is of the opposite sex. Even your own status updates where you may post something that is meant to be a joke or allow people to assume there is something wrong in your relationship based on what you wrote, your love may feel offended or confront you which will lead to a possible break up. Having a non-stop conversation with another person of the opposite sex whether it is flirtatious or not is visible, can cause your other to begin suspecting something is going on between you and the other person whom you are having a long conversation with. “Like”-ing a comment or a certain page can also cause problems. This specifically happened to me because I remember I liked one of my ex-crushes’ post that spoke about not forgetting certain loves and my bf saw it on his news feed. He assumed that something was still going on or that I still keep memories alive which led to a heated argument.

People in a relationship need to keep in mind that Facebook is a technology that can cause good but also bad because every move we make leaves traces, and everything is publicized. Anything posted on this social networking site is able to be seen by as many people as you have friends and possibly others, therefore if not careful with what you are saying, the content you provided can become evidence that can be used against you when you get into an argument with your significant other. Facebook can be a place to socialize and become yourself, but it is also a tool that your bf/gf can use to either manipulate or check up on you in terms of being honest or faithful about your actions. So be very careful on any social networking site or others where it is so public because what may seem as another social interacting and expanding network tool, can become a tracking device and your worst enemy.

Virtual Worlds: Better or Worse than Society in Real Life?

The first time I heard about Second Life was last year in my Critical Thinking & Writing class and I was just briefly introduced to the concepts behind this virtual world. When I would be asked about virtual worlds online I would simply imagine World of Warcraft or The Sims. Yet after touching upon Second Life in class during the TED talks and then reading a paper on Sex Lives in Second Life, I came to the realization that the virtual worlds are trying to mimic or transfer the same norms that current society has imposed on people. I find it hard to believe that people are not using these virtual worlds to create a new sense of community and a complete different society where equality whether in gender, race, or any other social identifier is diminished.

                In the virtual worlds, one is able to choose their appearance and the personality characteristics they please which can help them create a certain identity they would wish to become. Yet, some people are simply playing it safe and don’t want to be outcasts just like they would possibly be in real life. In second life, people are able to manipulate everything from the appearance of their avatar to the environment they are interacting with. It is as if one is one’s own God in this virtual world so why aren’t people trying to correct the wrongs in our society like racism, sexism, and all those discriminatory and harmful aspects existing in today’s society?

                I believe that people are too selfish at times and they care about their image a little too much. Also, many can be seen as conformists and just like to go with the flow. But if one comes to think of it, why don’t we use these virtual worlds as a trial-and-error mechanism to help improve our society? Online one cannot be physically judged or be placed in categories unless they reveal their social identifier characteristics like race, gender, social class, etc. The way we act is what determines any classification or judgment by other individuals.

                For example, sexism is still part of our society like it was hundreds of years ago. Patriarchal views still exist and will continue until someone does something about it. What really hit me hard is the way Second Life is being consumed by the patriarchal culture. Unlike my suggestion of trying to utilize this virtual world to better our society, it is instead being manipulated to further continue to degrade individuals based on their gender and sexual preferences. Women continue to be seen as sexual objects that men should dominate over just like it is in the real world, it is being portrayed in this virtual world of Second Life. Even though engaging in any sexual practice is voluntary for any avatar in Second Life, if women agree to engage in sexual activity, they will always take the passive role and the men the dominant one. There is no option given for a woman to reverse the roles. Also, I hate the fact that the meaning of rape is being changed in this virtual world to be seen as something acceptable and normal. Those who have supported this option in Second Life and engage in “raping” an avatar are those types of people who justify rape as sexual role play. They are saying that when a woman does not consent to sex, they in reality saying they do want it and being completely dominated by a man is part of role play. This is not true and is creating a belief in Second Life that rape is not a sexual assault, but rather a form of sexual play. This degrades and further suppresses women by placing them as sexual objects that need the dominance of a man.

                Second Life and other virtual worlds are being misused and further creating a more socially destructive society than what we are living in today. Instead of supporting a positive change and promoting good values in this world we are able to control, people are taking advantage of their unlimited freedom to further degrade certain individuals and minorities. There needs to be some kind of change or reform in Second Life to help create a better environment.  

Technology and Social Interaction

I think that in regards to technology, there will always be a split right in between where some support it and others completely object it (just like our generation says… “Let the haters keep on hating”). In my opinion, I believe that technology has had a good impact on social interaction. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, technology has allowed for time to cease and not be an obstacle when trying communicating with someone who is of great distance from you. Also, many tools that technology provides has allowed for an expansion in every day communication and has brought all of society together by being able to connect/communicate more frequently with ease. People will debate that communication tools like the cell phone pose a threat to everyday face-to-face interactions because it is much easier to call or send a text message than having to go through the trouble of possibly traveling somewhere to meet up with a person. This may seem as though we have become lazier and less social due to our preference in having to do little work as to communicating in person, and in some way it is true and false.

                Technology has only furthered communication and embraced in a complete different way. You are still having a conversation, just the medium is different. I know of a lot of people, myself once included, that are very shy when it comes to having a face-to-face interaction with other people. Technology has allowed for them to be able to fully express themselves without the embarrassment or pressure of saying the correct things in front of a person. Just like technology makes time cease in terms of delivering messages across the world, it also gives a person time to elaborate on what they are going to say before actually saying it. We have all had our moments where we are talking with a person face-to-face and we say something without even thinking, thus regretting it afterwards. Well technology not only eliminates any barriers towards communication like physical embarrassment or shyness, but it also gives you the opportunity to analyze what you are about to tell the other person and prevent any further complications.

                The negative aspects of technology use for communication are that it requires more work than we actually do in face-to-face interactions. Facial expressions when communicating allow you to determine the intentions and meanings behind the words. Through a text message however, all you receive are a bunch of words that are expressionless. You may receive a message that is being sarcastic and may think that the person who sent it to you is being mean to you. If you would have been in a face-to-face conversation with that individual and they told u the same thing they sent you through text, the tone in which they said the words would have allowed you to determine that the person was just being sarcastic or joking around. I have gotten into situations where I send a text message to a friend and they misinterpret what I am actually trying to say. I guess that having just words in front of you without any help from a person’s tone of voice can deceive you into taking on millions of different interpretations. Yes, this does make your mind work harder but then again, do to this you may be communicating the wrong thing to a friend and the consequences may be something terrible like the termination of a friendship.

                Online dating or finding that special person online is very common nowadays. I don’t know about other people, but I believe it is something that people who are using dating sites, Craigslist, online gaming, virtual worlds, etc. in order to meet other people with similar interest should be on the lookout for. If it is easy to get fed with many lies about a certain person you just meet at a café through face-to-face interactions, imagine how easily and more people can use technology to lie about their identity and intentions. I have always been very careful about meeting guys on Facebook or any other social networking site if it is the first time I have ever heard of those individuals in my life. I’m not completely opposed to the idea of possibly finding your soul mate online because it is just another medium to get to know people, but people should be as alert as they are in the real world than they are in a virtual one.

                Creating virtual relationships doesn’t mean it is displacing and ignoring everyday relationships because they are the same relationships but created and maintained through a different medium. Just because the beginning of communication started through face-to-face interactions, it doesn’t mean it was not meant to evolve just like we evolved also. If it would have been the complete reverse and we would have begun communicating through another form rather than face-to-face interaction, and finally came to see that the new form of communication was in person, people would be complaining about this new form of communication and how it is displacing the conventional way. Like I mentioned, people will continue to be pessimistic about anything that is new and unknown. Conservatives also will continue to favor the conventional ways of doing things, while the liberals will support innovations. That is just how our society works.

Media Diet

Monday Feb, 28^th

-          Texting (10 hrs) [all throughout the day]

-          Facebook (6 hrs)

-          YouTube (25 min)

-          Groupwise email (1hr)

-          Reading: Da Vinci Code (2 hrs)

-          Phone Call (10 min)

Tuesday March 1

-          Texting (11 hrs)

-          Facebook (5 hrs)

-          Groupwise email (30 min)

-          Reading: Da Vinci Code (20 min)

-          Phone Call (15 min)

Wednesday March 2

-          Texting (10 hrs)

-          Facebook (7 hrs)

-          Groupwise email (30 min)

-          Phone Call (7 min)

Thursday March 3

-          Texting (10 hrs)

-          Facebook (6 hrs)

-          Groupwise email (45 min)

-          Phone Call (10 min)

-          Jersey Shore TV show (1 hr)

Friday March 4

-          Texting (12 hrs)

-          Facebook (8 hrs)

-          Phone Call (6 min)

-          DVD (2 hrs 30 min)

 I have never really kept any record of my media consumption since probably last quarter in my communications class. When comparing last quarter's media consumption to present days, I find that I spent more time on certain things like texting and Facebook, and minimized other media consumption such as watching television. My current media diet is basically yelling out to me that I am a Texting and Facebook "addict" who needs to go to T.A. (Texting Anonymous) and F.A (Facebook Anonymous) groups. My whole social life revolves around my cell phone and being on Facebook. If I can recall, the last actual conversation I have had with a friend face-to-face has been like two weeks ago because I usually just text people or FB chat them. It isn’t that I don’t want to have a natural conversation with them, but I find it easier to cut people off through texting or online chatting than being in person especially since I have been so preoccupied with school and personal matters.

                Facebook is considered the “thing” right now and I don’t believe in the existence of many human beings without a cell phone here in the U.S. Even my little six year old cousin has a cell phone and text messages. I am pretty certain that my media diet is similar to others with the exception possibly of them being more or less addicted to texting or Facebook (in “addiction” I mean spending more than normal hours). One of my friends is literally always online on Facebook because he is either connected while using the internet on his laptop or the FB application on his iPhone. At any moment of the day, he will get back to you as soon as possible although he kind of lags it on his text messaging. I, on the other hand, only use my cell phone for text messaging and calling family members who don’t have text messaging service. Nowadays however, I am constantly texting my mom and my dad who once complained about not understanding “the new and improved high technology”. After teaching them the basic functions towards text messaging, we decided to get a family unlimited messaging plan. I am very grateful for this plan because I send & receive text messages on average 15 -17 thousand per month which would accumulate to great amounts of money at the normal rate of 10 cents per message.

                American society has well adapted technological innovations into everyday life and especially our generation who are said to be “tech-savy”. My constant access to communication through the use of my cell phone and the social networking sites on the internet such as Facebook shows the reality being that we are all now more connected with one another than previous generations. There no longer exists the concept of hearing about a friend or relative weeks or months later through the use of letters which were transported on horse from place to place. In today’s society, a text message is sent and received within seconds. A FB chat window can also open in the matter of seconds when being contacted by a Facebook friend. Time ceases to exist with all those technological tools that have been developed. Also, those people who for years one lost contact with can now be found on social networking sites such as Facebook because a majority of internet users have created some sort of personal profile online. In my case, I have found friends from kindergarten who I had not seen since I had switched schools in the second grade and it feels good to talk to them once more.

                If I were asked if I want to change my media consumption habits, I would simply have to respond no. I love text messaging and being able to communicate with whoever and whenever I please. Facebook can be a bit of a distraction when I have big assignments due or something to attend to, but I just like the fact of having a window open with FB in the back for when I take my little break from homework. I have found neither text messaging nor Facebook to be a hassle nor a “chore” although my parents and even my boyfriend get mad because I don’t pay enough attention to them. If for some reason my cell phones were to not work and the internet was shut down, I don’t know what I would do.

Social Networking and Privacy

Before it was MySpace, now it is the era of Facebook. When people speak of social networking sites the first name that pops into their head is Facebook. Almost everyone that is an internet user and has participated in some sort of online social interaction has a Facebook profile. Although MySpace was once very popular like Facebook is today (but a bit less), some people still have a MySpace profile and are active participants. The majority, however, are Facebook worshippers who have gotten rid of or continue to have their MySpace account as a secondary social networking tool. I myself accept the fact that Facebook holds about half of the responsibility of keeping my social life on track, thus I am also a Facebook worshipper.

I have received comments both online and offline about my interaction with Facebook. “Dang Jasmine, you are always on FB! Do you ever log off?” or “I don’t even text you anymore because I know that I can easily reach you on Facebook through chat”. I always laugh when I hear my close friends tell me stuff like that because it sounds that I am Facebook obsessed, but even funnier is that I know it is true. How often do I use social networking sites like Facebook? Well, I would have to say that since the moment I wake up, leave my bed, brush my teeth, and are getting ready for the day is till right before I brush my teeth, wash my face, and climb into bed is that I use this social networking site. I know it sounds somewhat like an addiction, but after having a Facebook since before it was well known (beginning of my 7^th grade year) to present day which is about seven years, I have incorporated Facebook to fulfill part (if not… most) of my real life social needs.

My daily social interaction if not entirely through the use of solely technological tools like texting or Facebook, I use these two as a form of reaching people to set-up a meeting and have a face-to-face conversation. So either way, my social life revolves and is dependent upon technology. Just like I mentioned that I am basically living in Facebook, it is even worse when it comes to texting. At least there are times when I am actually “offline” in FB because I have to go to class or have to go somewhere where I don’t have access to a computer with internet access. However, my phone never leaves my side. My relationship with my cell phone surpasses any other relationship I have because I see it as purely receiving love and affection. It allows me to keep communication at any period of time with anyone (well whoever has a phone and texting enabled of course) with the sending of a text message. Similar to FB, I text message from the moment I wake up to when I am about to go to sleep, but all throughout the day I am constantly texting. I have sent and received altogether about 15,000 txt messages a month… I’m thankful for unlimited messaging. One thing I don’t do and is because I don’t have the unlimited data plan for my phone is check FB updates; else I probably would be connected to FB 24/7 like I am with texting.

Online privacy advocates are constantly at war with social networking sites for their lack of privacy measures in protecting the identity of internet users and the information they expose to the public. I know Facebook has been pushed towards adjusting their privacy policies to better the relationship among these organizations and internet users. The cultural move towards social networking and having constant access is seen as troublesome to many because I feel that it is something that people are still getting used to (especially those members of the older generation). Skepticism and negativity has always existed especially towards technology use, and not until everyone learns to accept the change and embrace it there will still be debates about the negative effects technology has on people.

I personally believe that the positive outweigh the negatives in technology use and adaption into our daily lives. Having constant access to other people online through social networking sites like Facebook is very handy, especially in a college or educational institution where group assignments are a great deal of importance. I know that in my experience, I may not the phone number of the individuals in my group but I can easily find the individuals on FB if they have a profile and just message them with my number so they can reach me or simply ask for their information. Also, if for some reason I miss a class due to illness or another circumstance, I can easily reach someone that is in my class through FB if I am unable to reach them through any other form of communication.

Now, in regards to individually exposing personal information such as posting comments on the news feed which everyone that is a friend or public (depending on your set settings) can see or just filling out the personal profile can be a dangerous thing at times. Just like many other people that have mistakenly or did not fully think things through before posting things publicly on their own wall or people they have listed as friends, I can relate to them. Being in a romantic relationship on FB, I have gotten into some arguments due to some things I have posted on my wall or the conversations I carry on with certain individuals. My relationship almost ended due to the misinterpretation of a comment I made on some other friend of the opposite sex’s wall. Also, I have had people come up to me and tell me “Thanks for putting me on blast on FB” like tagging them in a picture or comment about something they didn’t want to expose publicly.

I do worry sometimes about what I expose on FB to the public especially since I am in a relationship with someone, so I have to be extra careful about what I say and do on these social networking sites because everything stays documented and could serve as evidence against me. When it comes to exposing yourself on these public and populous sites, one has to be really careful but also enjoy the positive aspects like expanding your social network.